To Conform or Not to Conform

“Mom told me not to show off my real power, and I’m really trying not to. But why should I hide it? This whole fitting in thing is really weird.”

~ Son Gohan, Dragon Ball Z episode “Gohan Goes to High School”

Ah, weird doesn't even begin to cover it.

I’ve never felt more keenly than at this year’s BayCon how much of a monster social media has become. The one reoccurring piece of advice that all the panelists gave to writers at every panel I attended was to work at creating and maintaining a presence on the Web. It’s what you have to do in order to fit in to this changing society of ours, especially if you want to succeed. Apparently, there are some publishers who will not consider an author if he or she does not already have a sizeable e-network; they will actually look up authors on sites like Facebook to see how many “friends” they have.

It’s all rather ironic and a little sad. Strange too, considering how casually many social connections are made and treated. There was an article in the TIMES recently describing the “Me, Me, Me Generation” in which the author discusses how people in this modern era spend so much time and effort working to become noticed, to elaborate on their lives and become giants in the universe created by online social media. Maybe this is a little self-centered, but at the same time, it seems people have no choice. Even people who dislike or feel burdened by the constant demands of using social media have no choice but to join the fray, especially as a creative artist of any kind.

Because the fact is that, with how things are right now, that’s what works.

Yes, technology has made our lives easier in many ways. It has provided many people with new and amazing opportunities. But at the same time, it also makes life increasingly complicated.

So maybe we aren’t Saiyans and we don’t have superpowers that need to be kept secret, but fitting in is still a problem. Do we all really have to conform this way in order to get ahead? I guess there’s always an exception to the rule, but who knows?

Building Bridges

“Sitting down face to face and talking about things might not solve everything, but if we don’t do it, we’ll never understand each other at all.”

~ Matsumoto Rangiku, Bleach episode 63 (English version, of course) 

I was looking down the panel descriptions for this year’s BayCon and saw a panel on interpersonal communication skills. Everyone is encouraged to attend, it said, because such skills are great to have.

So true.

I know we’ve written about how important it is to listen, but for those who are shy or quiet or afraid, it’s perhaps also a good reminder that talking is important too. It’s hard to build solid friendships with people who don’t know anything about you, just as it’s hard for people to befriend you if you never share anything about yourself.

A good conversation has to involve more than one person, and that goes for both the talking and the listening. And good conversation skills go a long way in both deepening relationships and solving problems.

Last week, my family decided to give everyone some time during dinner where he or she could just talk and pour out everything that he or she has been thinking or worrying about. Only after said person had gotten everything out was anyone allowed to comment, advise, or give suggestions. I think it was a great idea. Banning interruptions also helped us avoid any possible arguments that arise from not fully understanding one person’s thoughts or problems. Hopefully, this is something we’ll continue to do.

Measuring the Moments

“IF PEOPLE KNEW WHEN THEY WERE GOING TO DIE, I THINK THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T LIVE AT ALL.”

~ Death, Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett

There are so many ways you can think about this. At first glance, it seems to contradict the idea of “living for today”, but really, I think it’s the same idea from a different angle.

In Pratchett’s Reaper Man, Death—a being unused to the constraints of time—is faced with the knowledge that, as a living being, he will one day die. For him, this is a fact that inspires great fear, fear so oppressive that it disrupts necessary, everyday activities like sleep. I’m sure that many of us experience such fears and uncertainties at some point in our lives—What will happen to me? What about the people that I love?—and they most certainly make it hard to concentrate on living. If people knew when they were going to die, I wonder who would be consumed by despair and who would actually be able to take advantage of the time they have. To know and feel the deadline drawing ever closer—it would certainly be an unpleasant piece of knowledge to be burdened with.

On the other hand, sometimes, the knowledge that we must all one day move on can inspire people to live their lives more fully. It can be the push that people need to go ahead and take a risk or to try something new, knowing that we may not have a second chance. It can be a bit morbid, but I think it works.

And perhaps the knowledge of the ephemeral nature of our own lives can help us put things in perspective—help rearrange our priorities.

As I write these things, this is a song that comes to mind.